My grandfather is quite probably dying any minute now. (my dad's dad.)
I should feel some connection to this patriarch, and I do a little bit, but he was a terror when i was little and I still fear him somewhat as a result, although he's turned into this funny little old man. Retirement and aging seem to have mellowed him out.
His two kids who live in the area are there (my dad and uncle), so he has company. I don't know what I'm supposed to do/feel. Should I be there, getting in the way and sitting morosely in the living room as he dies? should I pretend it's not happening and laugh with friends at work?
I don't know.
The other day he gave me his father's old pocketwatch. He had it repaired and cleaned to give to me. My father would never have used it, so he waited till I was old enough to take care of it. My great grandfather to my grandfather to my father (sort of) to me. When he handed that to me and explained it all, I felt linked to him in a real sense for the first time ever. And that was just 2 weeks ago.
Anyway, I just needed to write something about it.
Thanks for listening.