April 27th, 2004
just got a call from my mother.
My grandfather is quite probably dying any minute now. (my dad's dad.)
I should feel some connection to this patriarch, and I do a little bit, but he was a terror when i was little and I still fear him somewhat as a result, although he's turned into this funny little old man. Retirement and aging seem to have mellowed him out.
His two kids who live in the area are there (my dad and uncle), so he has company. I don't know what I'm supposed to do/feel. Should I be there, getting in the way and sitting morosely in the living room as he dies? should I pretend it's not happening and laugh with friends at work?
I don't know.
The other day he gave me his father's old pocketwatch. He had it repaired and cleaned to give to me. My father would never have used it, so he waited till I was old enough to take care of it. My great grandfather to my grandfather to my father (sort of) to me. When he handed that to me and explained it all, I felt linked to him in a real sense for the first time ever. And that was just 2 weeks ago.
Anyway, I just needed to write something about it.
Thanks for listening.
I'm sorry to hear about this. I know it's rough, and it can be especially weird when you're not sure how about you're "supposed to" feel. I've always found that there's no right way or wrong way to feel. You just do.
As to actions, you might ask your dad and uncle if they have any needs, anything you could help with.
|Date:||April 27th, 2004 09:23 am (UTC)|| |
Oy. Ry, I'm sorry.
I agree with petdance
-- ask them if you can be of any help. I found that when my grandmother died I felt worse with the guilt of NOT feeling destroyed than I did about anything else, except worrying about my mother.
i agree with petdance
. you can see what they need from you.
also, you can't force yourself to feel a connection, but you know that. what a touching story about the watch!!! but, i can understand the difficulty (perhaps not the right word) you experience in trying to relate to the grandfather of NOW versus the grandfather of your youth. it's something i face everytime i see my father because he's a better man now than when i was a kid.
be well, ktigger.
*hugs hugs* see email for more.
|Date:||April 27th, 2004 12:58 pm (UTC)|| |
My best to you and your family. I agree with others here, to see what emotions you do have and what comes up, and from there - see if you can help others.
|Date:||April 27th, 2004 02:17 pm (UTC)|| |
Aren't family connections weird? You are obligated to care for someone who for all practical purposes could be a total stranger except you are genetically related to them and they may or may not be around a lot. Makes for stuff like this being very awkward and guilt-ridden.
The watch sounds like a great moment -- legitimate bonding, it sounds like in his own way he cares, so in your own way, you care too. I hope you are ok and your family is ok.
|Date:||April 28th, 2004 02:44 pm (UTC)|| |
the watch sounds lovely... I have a lot of my grandparents furniture and it reminds me of them almost every day, which helps me remember all the nice things about them. I like mementos and things that have been in the family. Chin up, bro.