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June 29th, 2002

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12:05 am
Long entry. You were warned.

I have all this creative energy in my body at the moment, and it just doesn't want to come out. I've felt this way my whole life. I swear, as bizzare and pompous as it sounds, I feel like an artist waiting to discover the right medium for my work. I honestly think that it's wood, which can be kind of boring, but hey. Poetry never was my strong point. drawing/painting was interesting, but two flat. music I enjoy, but still can't find the right instrument despite being formally trained on three and self-taught on at least 5 others. Sculpture seemed to me where I felt the most... right. Steel, glass, and stone are too solid, clay is too soft. wood is just right. But I don't own any proper tools. I keep trying to find good gouges/knives and they just never work out right. I think I really have to bite the bullet and buy some nice ones once I get some money. And a freakin whetstone would be nice too. I could make the ones I have work if I could get a whetstone to sharpen the bastards. Coarse grinding wheels just don't even remotely cut it. (no pun intended..)
I'm going to make myself make something soon though. Gonna go down to the shed and set up the table saw, the planer, the lathe, and freakin do something. it may suck, it may fall apart, that doesn't matter. I gotta make something or I feel like I'm going to freak out.
This is most unlike me. I had started to think that all of my creative juices had left me since high-school. I bearly write anymore, I bearly make music anymore, and I hardly ever draw/paint these days. (I always hated paint though, too messy. pencil and ink. not that ink's clean...)
*sigh* is this what it's like to get older? I don't like it one bit. I'm 22 and I feel like I should still be 18. I know you old farts out there are going to yell at me that I'm still young, but jeeze, I'm starting to feel like I'm two decades old.

Speaking of feeling old, music is just not what it once was for me. Listening to it I mean. I still love making it any way I can. But listening to music...
I was never close minded about what I listened to. Country sucked, stupid fake drawls and twangs. Modern rap is beyond me. I liked 80's rap thank you very much. other than that, I'm not too picky. But Tool, Metalica, etc. always just seemed too loud and chaotic. KMFDM? I'd heard it, hated it. Not music!
Sheesh. Today I put on KMFDM because I wanted something light and fluffy that I could bounce to.

Old and jaded am I.

But seriously, I'm incapable of finding music anymore that gets my dander up, that pounds me against the wall with its force. Only turning up the volume on the hardcorest stuff does that for me now.

Oh poo. Probably just middle of the night angst. Cept the art thing.
I also need to do something physical.
I need to buy a sword and start taking martial arts. That'll make me feel much better.
cept I'm broke. ugh.

Time to stop rambling now and go to bed or something.
I'll be on here more now, I pared down my friends list a bit. If I removed you, it was either because you weren't updating or... other reasons. So it's managable to read again thankfully.

ah, a yawn. bedtime. finally. silly body...
mood: pensiveish
music: luxt - spite

(7 bits of drivel | babble incoherently)


[User Picture]
Date:June 29th, 2002 07:12 am (UTC)
Amen on the music issue (and on the creative issue, but that's another long angsty story). :)
Is the music I'd like even out there? Or am I just not finding it? Somehow I doubt that there's a huge underground of the music I like, and that turns me into my Dad at age 21: "All that stuff on the radio is crap. Now CCR, THAT was good music." I agree with him, but I'd probably pick a different artist :)
ps. I downloaded "agua" last night and had fond memories of the haverford show :)
[User Picture]
Date:June 29th, 2002 08:02 am (UTC)
aguaaaaaa.... deepah! deepah!

*ah, fond memories*
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
Date:June 29th, 2002 09:31 pm (UTC)
yes well... like I said, i've matured. or something.
Shoot me a link for that song. I'll give it a try.
(Deleted comment)
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
Date:July 2nd, 2002 06:47 am (UTC)
heh. good thing I hadn't tried yet.
might take a few days... I'm at home on a modem again.
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
Date:July 2nd, 2002 07:33 am (UTC)
you silly beast...

Yeah, it's technically 56k, but I'm lucky if I get a connection faster than 36k.
c'est la vie.
The girl and I are seriously considering broadband for the apartment when I move in, so that should be nice. :o)
[User Picture]
Date:July 29th, 2002 07:37 pm (UTC)
finally downloading it...
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
Date:August 1st, 2002 06:11 am (UTC)
yeah, I like.
Not so overboard on it as you were, but yes, tis good.
Long entry. You were warned. I have all this creative energy in my… - another LJ. or: how i learned to stop worrying and love this life-thingy

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